Wow it's been SO long since I have posted!! Sorry for this! I need more "followers" on here! If you have a google account do me a favor and follow this! Just so I look popular...haha......anyways!
I haven't written in a while I think because I have been pretty happy all things considered. I have been taking enormous stock in keeping a positive outlook on everything even though circumstance may not be "perfect" it's pretty darn good.
Chris came to visit for 10 days end of last month and it was so needed. I never realize how much I miss him until I see him again and then of course when he leaves....I will admit, I went a little "dark" for a bit. Holed up in my room and refused to talk or socialize much and pretty well hate the world as I stuffed whatever food I could down my throat. Not the best of ideas, but whatever gets you through right? I got through....I always seem to. I have an army of amazing support though. My mom wrote me the other say and referred to some people I don't even know as "family" that she wants me to meet. She and my brother are coming to cruise next week which should be interesting as well as fun....anyways, I have never met these people and wrote back referring to "her family members" which seemed to irk her a bit as she pointed out our extreme lack of living blood relatives (odd for a primarily "Mormon" and "Catholic" family I know..) and that I should want to have relationships with them. Which made me think a bit about what I consider family.....
I have had a massively unconventional life all things considered. I come from a very broken home and dysfunction to say the least then leaving to pursue a career in entertainment and falling into a bad marriage, divorce etc etc and it doesn't get weirder than this life I have to say. Along the way I have met a LOT of random people. And along the way I have been in a LOT of intense situations some not very appealing or that I am very proud of admittedly. There have been a lot of people in my life who have not been able to "handle" me in my moments of insanity or poor decisions.....and at times even my "blood" has questioned and been thrown by my choices in life almost to moments of where I question if I may lose a relationships "health" altogether. It throws you in those moments. Especially given the emotional person I am it REALLY makes me step back and re-evaluate what I consider "family" in my life and how much support really DOES mean to me especially with the crazy twists and turns my life has taken.
First off, anyone that can stick with you through thick and thin and still love you no matter what stupid things you do is more than unconditional love and "family" in my book. Having people I know I can shoot a quick message to for a favor or for a shoulder to cry on at it's most basic is worth more than I can describe. Feeling as isolated as I can in my life and having people I feel safe sharing those moments with or knowing I can cry in front of or rant around, or make dumb decisions and know it won't matter is amazing. Some have been around longer than others of course, and some have fallen into and out of my life but I am always grateful for them. Of course the people who not only support the crap, but make me laugh, smile and keep my morale up and keep me going are usually the ones who best put up with me as well...... there aren't really words for how much I appreciate it. Honestly, when I try and put it down I can't do describing it justice. I guess when you are constantly being put in so many new, different and sometimes alien situations as I get put in, it gives you a perspective you wouldn't have otherwise. I look at people who stay in their hometowns near every family member and I think of COURSE it would be easy to consider them your best friend and have close family ties and such, but I was dealt very different cards and a very different mind frame and so for me it's just different. Of course I love my family members who have proven it's not just about our genetics that ties us together. But for me, it's been the people who have gone above and beyond regardless of genetics, but just because they sincerely love me and would do whatever they could for me regardless of where I am or what I have done or am doing.
In a nutshell, I am very grateful for this life I lead and the people it puts in it. I would never have met my amazing man if I were not this crazy person....I would not have a lot of the friends I do that I DO consider my family. I would not know which family members love me unconditionally and not just because we happen to have the same DNA. I love my multi-cultural melting pot of amazing people in my life who make me challenge myself, want to be better, want to love more, look at the bigger picture, give of myself, and love myself more at the end of the day for what I get to go through and experience. I always consider myself a lucky girl.......and I love another opportunity to remind myself of that.
