Hope for Canadian citizenship....or smarter Americans....

Ok, so I want to write this blog while fully in the emotional moment of my day just so you get the full context of the ups and downs on the first cruise of a contract…brace yourself…it could get ugly….well, just a little anyways!

Your first full day on board begins with training. Yep, even after a bunch of ship contracts, every single ship you sign on to drags you out of bed at stupid o clock in the morning after your insanely exhausting first day to go over stuff you have heard over and over and over again…and not only that you get to hear it from either (or both) a soft spoken Indian with bad English or an even softer spoken Italian with even worse English so not only are you tired, but annoyed that the repeated information can’t even be heard. So after about 2 hours, they released us back to our cabins where I thought maybe with any luck I could get a nap in….after all I didn’t “work” until 5. Lucky for me my stomach once again decided to remind that it definitely works even at a dysfunctional level, and kept me from getting any much needed rest before staring at millions of music notes for hours. So I took my time getting ready for my evening, had a Red Bull and felt loads better. There isn’t much a Red Bull can’t superficially cure at least for an hour or so. That one hour was definitely my allotment for the evening’s set.

Here’s the deal for anyone who ever considers a cruise or considers being anywhere at all where there is live entertainment……don’t be a self centered, uncultured, arrogant, ignorant moron. That’s the bottom line. Here’s the long definition…..

So we all know I’m tired and needless to say even with some good points this ship has thrown at me, I am a little on edge to say the least. The start of my 4 hour set was pretty good. I had a talk with the world’s most awful Yamaha and it agreed to play nice for me and take a little stress out of my evening. So far so good. First pre-dinner set in, not too many complaints. The noise level was minimal surprisingly, but the vibe still border lined on aloof stupidity at best. The thing I notice with guests on shorter cruises is (and this isn’t meant to sound offensive, but its’ going to come across that way) is that most of them have no sense of culture or class and are pretty well just there to get wasted. I was hoping this really wasn’t the case with these people….the next couple hours proved me wrong….why American tourists do you ALWAYS prove me wrong?!?!?!?!

I give it my all as a performer. I get highly irritated at myself if I do not play really well and play challenging, impressive arrangements that I am usually sure will garner some sort of response….I mean you would THINK that common sense would lead one to believe that when one performs someone will get the idea to applaud right???? Someone like myself usually does not study music for years and years to be ignored. So when the second pre-dinner crowd rolled in….all 200 or so of them…..I was hoping since it was a formal evening that maybe their classier sides would show up….wrong again. Trying to concentrate on really difficult music for a long period of time while still feeling slightly sick and very tired is hard enough as it is….add about 200 noisy, drunk, inconsiderate guests to the mix and you have a recipe for misery. I have taken great pains as an entertainer to add almost every sort of genre to my repertoire that I can so I can accommodate all tastes and tonight, there was no pleasing this group. Even my most flamboyant, ostentatious, and impressive pieces didn’t even get a blink from these people which left me flustered and not knowing how to react. It didn’t help that the added volume combined with my pounding on the piano to even hear myself was giving me a slight headache. The past couple days, it seems Mr Robin Gardner has unknowingly come to my rescue at every right moment and right at the moment the frustrated tears began to well up, he popped up to my stage and asked how it was all going. I sniffed a little and asked if he would walk away with me so I could compose myself. We did and he chatted with me long enough to take a little bit of stress off and I returned for the last few minutes only to be greeted by a few left over drunks being loud and obnoxious around the bar surrounding the stage. There was about 15 minutes left in my set and I left it. 4 hours and done. By the time I made it to the hallway backstage, the main production show had started. Normally, this is what Chris would be doing if he were with me right now. He would be on stage singing and dancing and I would probably either go catch a part of the show or go to our room and curl up in bed in front of the tv and wait for him to come “home”. This was a massively glaring reminder of the fact that this was not going to be the case for a while, with this class of ship and pretty well living backstage and hearing the show NOT including my boyfriend in it. I marched up to the open back stage door (subsequently maybe 10 feet from the door to my room) and slammed it….maybe too hard but no one noticed. Now I AM in my pajamas curled up…but unfortunately Chris is not coming “home” tonight. He’ll be popping on in a bit to Skype chat and that’s the best we can do for now. The moral of the story? If you are ever on a ship, chances are there are other people in my position. We’re out here trying our best to do what we love and chances are we’re away from someone we love at the same time and making other sacrifices large and small to be here. Cut us some slack. If we’re doing something that you can’t do or even more so, wouldn’t do….tell us in some way you appreciate it. It helps us through these moments of loneliness and gives it all some meaning when we’re having a tough time finding it on our own. And if you want to look at it selfishly….do it so I don’t have to hear as an American, from all my friends from different countries….what the hell is WRONG with your people???? It’s slightly embarrassing….especially on nights like tonight when I can’t help but agree. Here’s hoping for Canadian citizenship sooner than later……

Tears, puke and happy coincidence....this is my Destiny.

Oh boy where to begin? SO much happens from the time you leave for a contract to that first day on board…..it’s hard to condense and give an accurate representation of it. So I will try my best….

So my last day with Chris was started with the best of intentions. Those who know me know I borderline on emotional basket case on a good day. On that particular day it was more of trying to exorcise demons from an unwilling patient in this case being my silly brain. I was a wreck. Even with a trip to see a traveling Tim Burton art exhibit (so amazing I can’t even being to describe) it wasn’t enough to take the edge off my nerves and a trip afterwards to WalMart to get a few last minute essentials turned into an adventure of puke inducing nerves that caused Chris to have to pull to the side of the road several times to let me barf what little I had eaten that day right back out. I was not pretty. So I finished packing that night in a nausea medicated stupor and then it was that dreaded morning.

I have observed before on here that you take pretty well your life with you to a ship. Well, being a girl that’s more than obvious and so there we were in the Toronto airport, me, still in pretty well my pajamas, two carry ons and two over packed suitcases to drag around while feeling still pretty sick and then having to say goodbyes to Chris….again. Sigh. He gets the best boyfriend in the world award for putting up with my garbage. He let me hug on him and publicly cry up until the last possible moment and then I was out. I arrived at the Double Tree Hotel in Miami after a really long day and started back into a not so welcome routine of scheduling our first of many Skype dates and again….messiness. Part of me feels like it’s just not natural to share your life with the person you want to spend it with constantly over computer chat. And at this moment I should point out that while this makes me sound HIGHLY ungrateful for my work as it is pretty exceptional, I will say that I am in no way downplaying my thankfulness for my job. In our line of work, work at all is hard to come by much less stable amounts and we are pretty lucky, but I will say for us that we work very very hard to have it so these moments of semi-selfish whining I feel are well deserved. And so at that moment I got out what I felt like was a good dose of self pitying whining.

I do feel that a lot of times, when you feel like you just can’t handle a situation (this time I was pretty unsure of myself….almost to the point where I thought about turning around, quitting and just figuring out my life from there) the universe gives you at least a small helping hand to give you that little extra push. While sitting in my hotel room enjoying my last bit of free internet for a while (yes, crew members have to pay for internet time on a ship…that’s why it’s the equivalent of gold in most cases) I got a face book message from a ship friend I hadn’t heard from in a while. When you go to the hotel Carnival puts you up in the night before you sign on, you have to sign a list and subsequently get to see who else is staying there. My British friend Robin happened to be going to the same ship as me (which I was unaware of) and noticed my name on the list when he happened to sign in and wrote to tell me he happened to be…well….just down the hall. The prospect of a familiar face to take some of the edge off being so incredibly lonely was more than a happy coincidence. I got to speak to Chris (a little more calmly) on Skype one more time before he went to bed and then tore off to Robin’s room for a much needed hug and some good laughs and my spirits were immediately lifted. It’s the little things that make it for me and at that point, things looked incredibly brighter.

The next morning we took our time and another musician signing on to the Destiny accompanied us in getting a cab to the ship where we waited for what seemed like forever to sign on. Anyone who ever complains about a slow embarkation process onto a ship needs to try it being a crew member some time. Chaos is not the word. Anarchy disguised as organization is more like it. I felt insanely lucky though, as when I did get on, I knew I had a couple of friends already on board, but had no idea that I knew what seemed like the entire ship full of people. The comfort level of having so many familiar faces was amazing. I got the key to my cabin and soon found my new room mate had just signed on as well and happened to be someone I had met before and happens to be a very sweet girl named Sarah. All of entertainment pretty much on this ship, lives in a corridor right behind the stage in the main theatre. My very first ship was the same set up and it felt very much like home and put me even more at ease. Luckier still, my first evening of playing only consisted of 2 hours. Amazing….and being exhausted made it even more amazing that I had such a short evening. Of course, the night would not have been complete without a Skype chat with my handsome (even when pixilated) man who also got to chat with a mutual dancer friend (who also happens to be named Alison) and get a tour of my room etc etc. By the end of my evening I only ha a couple of complaints….my piano I play is horrendous. All my hard practicing I did before coming here may be null and void as the thing is garbage. Yamaha pianos are crap for anyone looking into one…don’t waste your time and money. My other complaint was the fact that the vibe from these guests feels a little to much like that of the ones out of Long Beach on 3 and 4 day cruises….the ones who either love or hate you or only clap if you play a song they like, otherwise they’re deafeningly loud and drunk and could not give a crap….which was kind of the atmosphere I found myself in. But considering all the pros this ship had already offered on just my first day, I was willing to overlook and ignore the ignorance. If you ever cruise and are around a live entertainer…..be warned. Behavior as I have pointed out is noticed and we will label you as rude and ignorant without much problem and your song request for Billy Joel will be met with a loud rendition of some obscure showtune….or in the case last night, a very BAD jazz rendition of O Christmas Tree. Other than that….all in all and considering my situation and circumstance (and the amount of puke it took me getting here) the first day on board the Carnival Destiny was as successful as anyone could hope for. Fingers crossed now Chris hears some good news and the process of sharing a good situation on another ship can begin again…..until then, I have four hours of playing on that awful piano and if that’s my worst complaint so far, I’m doing pretty well.

The Homeless Gypsy

Congratulations you have finished 4 1/2 months straight living and working on a floating hotel! You've survived angry guests, bad food in the crew dining room, missed ports, bad satellite reception, a cramped room, no cable tv and all the other luxuries that being a ship entertainer affords you!!!

Now pack your crap and get out. Well....pack your crap...get out of your room at stupid 0-clock in the morning and wait for hours while the ship is delayed getting to your homeport so you can go.....

Home??

Errrrmmm.....well, that WOULD be a nice concept you would think and while a contract is not completely filled with the above mentioned challenges, by the end of a contract they are a lot of what you focus on....unfortunately. So on that last day when you are finally set free, suitcases in hand, you are filled with an overwhelming appreciation of freedom and liberation and the prospect of what we refer to as our form of vacation, becoming land dwellers again for a bit. But in your haste to get the crap off the boat and make your way to a somewhat normal existence you forget....oh yes.....I have no normal in my life! Hell, for that matter, most of us don't even have our own homes to go to once off that boat! Tragedy....and comedy when you turn upside down and stare at it backwards. Of course this was the situation Chris and I found ourselves in as we always do after a contract. Logic says to you, even as a somewhat logical "adult" that because most of your life is spent living on a boat and your time on land is usually nor more than 2 months at a time...why waste good money on jumping into buying a home? Especially when you're not even really sure where you want to put stakes down? So there we were. Free and homeless once again. "Luckily" we both have parents who seem to enjoy having their grown off spring invade their homes and lives for short periods of time when they can have us. This time it was Chris' parents turn to put the both of us up for a bit until I left first for the next adventure. Canada....we were on our way.

We rented a car and drove from Baltimore to Toronto Ontario in one long 9 hour drive......THAT was the good day!! I kid. There have been many good days since then, but that one where it was just us, the car and no one to tell us where to go or what to do for a few precious hours was very nice. Since being in Canada I have come to a few conclusions....it's pretty much America...if America smoked a bunch of weed and chilled the hell out a bit, got themselves some govt health care and worshipped the pagan god Tim Horton. What staying with his parents in Canada is NOT...well....it's not the best of situations for a 28 and 31 year old to be in that's for sure!!! There's something that sits wrong with you as an adult living under the roof and law of parents....epecially ones that are not your own. but what other choice does a homeless entertainer have? Not many, so you make the best!!! So for two months things have gone a little like this......

I have met most of Chris' family which has been nerve racking and amusing all at once (you learn so much more about a person when you see the sort of people who raised them and hung out with them), I have met most of his closest friends (they are quite the bunch of quirky and lovely people), and been to most of the must see/do places in Toronto. I took a trip out east to a cabin in the middle of no where (honestly, that should have been it's own blog....but I would have most certainly offended someone) and almost chewed a limb off in hopes of freedom after one day, I have gone up the CN Tower, had too much Tim Horton's coffee, been to a hockey game, spent a lot of time in the down town area, had amazing all you can eat sushi that I will miss having access to, and spent loads of downtime in the house.

That I think has started to eat at me a bit....the down time somewhere that is unfamiliar. I have no access to call anyone (roaming charges would end me) and I have no access to a car and am not comfortable with public transit enough to get around. I am feeling like a child dependent on everyone else for everything this vacation. For a pretty independent adult, that is mildly frustrating. So I have been plodding along, doing my best not to blow up when the claustrophobic feeling sets in, and making due and being grateful for my time with Chris. I have practiced piano and gotten way too much new music for my brain to wrap itself around but it has kept me mildly occupied as well as bringing out the art pad and pencils and getting back to doing some art which has also kept my brain busy which is good. So in a nutshell, it's been another learning experience. I am pretty impressed with Chris and I. There aren't a lot of couples out there in the "real" world who have had to have gone through what we have and adapt and grow as much as we have through all the weirdness. We have had some crazy situations tossed in our laps and we have beaten all of them together. That in itself has made me very happy. It's good to know that in a life that is mostly chaotic I do have stability with the one thing that needs to be stable in my life. I know I can count on my man to stick all the craziness out with me and there's more coming our way in 3 days.......

I have to pack again. I am doing laundry as I write this and have once again organized my music and started to figure out what stays and goes as well as with my personal belongings. Another round of putting my life into two bags and a carry on and for who knows how long this time. We are back to the waiting game as we do not know where Chris is going......again. The entertainment department of Carnival leaves a little to be desired when it comes to caring for their employees personal well-being, but I will not get on that soap box now. Now I will say, that as much as it has been a mildly trying 2 months staying in the home of my boyfriends parents, it has also been a good experience. I got to spend an extra two months with him and see where he grew up and see the places and meet the people who have shaped the person I think is one of the best people in the world and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful to be going to the Destiny where I know I have friends who can help me through this next round of adjustment and more uncertainty and that, when working on ships, is worth more than I can describe. So I am going to go continue with laundry and packing.....out of here in t-minus 3 days......

Epic Fail....almost.

Oh the best laid plans. But at least I come back to them right? I always say I am going accomplish this and that and have such good intentions as I am sure we all do. This time I swear I will get this right!!!!!

So I re-vamped the page first off and I like it. It suits more of the mood I think I am trying to achieve with this thing...I mean....ocean...sailing....a little on the mysterious side of the color spectrum...so much more me.

So the last contract was a blur. I think the absence of documentation shall be forgiven in this case. It was my first nice long contract with Chris and I think I needed to focus on that. Being apart for so long and then really really re-adjusting was I think the focus of my time on board. I do wish I had written a little more. There were so many people and advents and situations that happened that would have been a good, gripping read for the public, but ah well. I came away from that ship with some wonderful friends...Amanda will have to be stuffed into my guest house with my other ship girls someday....and I did a lot of fun things....I mean, who DOESN'T want to go to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios? Come on!! Well...Chris didn't. But I drug him anyways! Yes, my contract was full of drama, parties, laughs, set after set after set full of quirky, annoying and often wonderful audiences, beaches, sunshine and the messiest end of contract debarkation imaginable. And again I survived only this time I got to do it all with my partner in crime and everything else in my life and that was the biggest thrill of all. It's so funny to me what makes us realize what is important in life. I love what I do and I am such a luck person to live a life filled with adventures people save their whole lives for, but when I get to do it with the one person I respect, admire and love most of anyone in this world it really really puts it all in perspective. Live is a much fuller place with Chris than without him. I am going to re-adjust to the without again in a few days. I am heading to the Carnival Destiny out of Miami on Sunday and I am feeling that knot of fear and anxiety twisting in my stomach again. But luckily, this time as I set out on my own, I know I am going to a ship where I have some great girl friends to keep me company and keep me occupied while we wait to be put together again. That's a wonderful comfort to me. Until then, the past 2 months have been spent in Canada at Chris' parents house which has posed it's own set of challenges which I will document next.....ohhhh Canadaaa..........