I don't want to do this anymore crosses my mind quite a bit lately......not I don't want "THIS" as in the most amazing, wonderful, meaningful, forever relationship with the most amazing man in the world...but THIS as in Skype communication. This for me, has been the bane of my "ship life" downfalls. There are many things about this lifestyle that aggravate me to no end, but this is the worst.
Chris and I have not "worked" on the same ship for 10 months. We are not in that lucky group who get to jump ship to ship together, spend those blissful months side by side having adventurous excursions, walking arm in arm to the disco on formal night, enjoying simple things as eating meals together, watching movies, laying outside on sunny days, and even at the most basic, talking whenever we want, having that person there for stressful or happy moments, just seeing the person face to face, hugging, kissing, etc etc....nope. We get what I refer to as the "face in the box".
Skype has been our eternal friend and enemy in our relationship. Our social schedules revolve around each other's best time to hop online and share anywhere from a few minutes to a very expensive few hours updating each other on events, and trying our best to feel some sort of emotional connection as hard as that can be so many miles away staring at what is most of the time a blurry representation of that persons' face. It's disheartening and welcome all at the same time. When on a ship, we have to pay for that luxury as well, 20 dollars for 3 hours when we are not in a port with free online access. It's awful how much money we have gone through to talk to each other.
Of course I am grateful for whatever time I get. I do find myself feeling insanely hostile when I hear people we work with who maybe have to only spend weeks at a time apart whine loudly over the short duration about how much they miss that other person, knowing full well that person will be on that same ship with them in days to spend months on the same contract. The longest span of time Chris and I have spent in each other's presence is 2 months. The temptation to write hate mail on learning some tact when people know OUR situation is overwhelming....I try and not hold it against them though. Their reality is different as well as the situation. So we carry on. There are days when Skype does not want to connect....there are days when people are hogging the connection and it's made me cry in frustration. There are times when internet cards have run out mid sentence and no one has a 20 dollar bill for the card machine. And then there are those times when the connection is crystal clear and for a little while you can see small details on the other person's face and it makes you tear up a little because it helps you remember all the little things about how they are in person. And this is 0ne of the things that keeps us going. Apart from a deep and honest love we have for one another, I do find myself glancing at the clock in anticipation of when I get to see and hear from my favorite person in this world. I can't wait to get to the Pride. I miss my man so much there are days when it's almost hard to handle. But nothing is better than the amazing feeling I get when I finally see him in person and get to wrap my arms around him and know, especially this time, for a few very good long months, I will not have to see the "face in the box" for a very very long time. And then it's all worth the waiting and the frustrations that come along with all of this. I love my Chris, and cannot wait for this contract to start.....9 days.
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